Taking it all off

It's the middle of winter in Tasmania, I'm talking frosty mornings, dull grey skies and sitting inside watching your breath turn white while your fingernails turn blue.
So, not the best time to be getting naked, in public, while reading or swimming.
But let's not let the cold get in the way of gratuitous nudity.

MONA took care not to offend the sensibilities of the Sunday dog walkers

Reading at NGR- Naked Girls Rock
Photo by CezB photography

Naked Girl's Reading was started in March 2009 by Michelle L'Amour and Frankie Vivid in Chicago. The Tasmanian chapter has been taken on by local burlesque performers Scarlett Jezebel and Velvet Sway. The theme was rock 'n' roll and I was reading two excerpts from The Real Frank Zappa Book.

Backstage with NGR producer Scarlett Jezebel

Picturing your audience naked doesn't seem prudent when you're reading, out loud, naked.
Instead, after settling on my tummy (I thought the audience needed some butt time) I focused on the excerpt I was reading, trying to remember to talk slowly and make the story come alive- Frank Zappa is not without humour and I was reading about groupies giving blow jobs and making plaster casts of band members... members.

Sitting up for the second reading

My copy of Zappa is dog eared and creased because, as I told Richard from Cracked and Spineless during the Q and A section, "I really do like Zappa." Turns out Richard does too but his girlfriend not so much. I told her to persevere, it's an acquired taste like coffee. Maybe.

Q and A session

My ex, Kier who introduced me to Zappa got too many mentions as in the Q and A I got too many questions. Kier also introduced me to ZZ Top, Kier likes all the good music. Happily all my past boyfriends have had good taste in music, I'm yet to date someone who likes crap like Eiffel 65.

Hobart at 6:50... You can just see the lights of Rafael Lazano- Hemmer's articulated Intersect on the right

After the reading came the swimming, the MONA Nude Solstice swim, part of Dark MOFO Winter festival. On Sunday morning 700 nude dickheads in 700 swimming caps took a swim at Sandy Bay's Long Beach- I don't know if the caps were for warmth or to make us more of a homogeneous mass of bottoms.

I had promised to do the swim with my friends Phoebe and Anita, Phoebe is a mate from Melbourne, Phoebe had forgotten how cold it is in Tasmania. I don't think she'll ever forget.

So many of us turned up to swim that we were divided into two groups (those who turned up before 7:20 and those who didn't) the second group stood in a long line, scouring the faces of the first lot looking for hints of pain and shock.
At 7:42am smoke rose, drums steadily beat and the beach was strewn with white towels as the first wave ran into the water. Five minutes later they were out again, gathering at drums of fire placed along the sand.

Aftermath.

20 minutes later it was our turn, we marched to a changing room and stripped, men and women, young and old, in my group there seemed to be more young than old, we held our towels around us, more for warmth than modesty and gathered on the beach in front of a crowd of curious onlookers. We didn't have to wait long, the drums started to beat, the flares expelled plumes of orange smoke, I grabbed Phoebe's hand, she grabbed Anita's and screaming like banshees we plunged into the water.

Photo by Bec Fitzgibbon MONA

It was very very cold, we waded out to hip height, once the water was over our hips I plunged my body in, keeping my head out of the water, it was shocking, the kind of shock that makes you wonder how you're still breathing. I struck out to the pontoon, fixated on ignoring the stabbing cold that was eating away at my vagina. After the first minute, the water was bearable except for there! Phoebe and Anita followed suit and shortly after we made it to the buoys, about 50 metres off shore, the signal came to get out again.

Getting out was slower and more difficult than striking out to the buoys but once back on shore we raced to grab a sandy trodden towels and join the huddles at the fire drums.

Getting dressed was also harder but done in double quick time when I realised I had some cash on me for coffee. We gathered to watch the sun rise and talk over the experience, "exhilarating, fucking freezing, let's do it again next year."

Post swim coffee!

Can't mention Dark MOFO without mentioning the laser cats at Faux Mo. I didn't get naked at Afterlife but I figure everyone deserves to know the wonder of Laser cats.

LASER CATS!!!

Winter Feast and Ferris Wheel of Death

Five years of the Australian Burlesque Festival

Five years of applications, acceptances, travel, performance and watching Australia's gorgeous, talented, fiesty performers take it off across the country.

The 2014 ABF poster

I was accepted as a relative newcomer, into Baby Bombshells in 2010, Scarlett Jezebel, then performing as a duo was in the same show and two of my friends, Danica and Daniel traveled with me from Hobart, Daniel had answered his phone to an excited phone call from the University quad after I'd received the email a couple of months before and it was enough of an occasion to warrant an entourage.

The next year the Festival traveled to Hobart's Peacock Theatre, a small ampitheatre space. We had to be quiet backstage as our chatter could be heard from the audience

In 2012 I performed my Sirenes act in the Hobart Playhouse Theatre and then brought the act to Melbourne for Empress Erotique.

Last year Launceston, the small regional city at the top of Tasmania was treated to the Big Tease and I performed my Sirenes act again, by this point I was feeling a need to retire it from my repertoire!

Ormand Hall, photo by B B Le Buff

Now five years on, it was back to Melbourne for the Big Tease at Ormand Hall on St Kilda Rd. I stayed with Scarlett who performed a pared back version of her MBT 2014 unique act in Empress Erotique on the Friday night.

Scarlett and I shared a small box room at the Victoria Hotel on Little Collins where we wedged our bags around the beds and then spent the weekend navigating the small corridors of remaining space.
A morning gym session followed by coffee, then I boarded a train to see Zoe Felice for a costume fitting, her cat providing under the door entertainment while I changed.
A tram trip up Sydney road, to seek Melbourne's worst kept secret, De Jour jeans, a shop packed with stacks of coloured denim. I joined the queue and waited to have the jeans expertly fitted to my body although in the end I just needed the ankles hemmed which took the seamstresses ten minutes to finish!

De Jour jeans

That night Oopsy Daisy and I joined a large, enthusiastic audience for Empress Erotique in Northcote, the rest of the Miss Kitty's Girls were busy being Scarlett's slave girls.
The show was a mix of darker themes with comic acts livening the line up. Fancy Piece were a stand out- the duo danced to rock anthems and paper wigs adorned their heads.

Scarlett Jezebel performing at Empress Erotique
Photo by Ange Leggas

Show morning meant a substantial breakfast in the city with Grace Cherry and a mutual friend. I stoked up my body with an omlette and coffee before heading back to the hotel to rehearse in our cramped hotel room. Tech time was strict so I dragged my massive suitcase onto a tram, for a quick trip down st Kilda road. Danica Lee was there, head mic on, running a smooth rehearsal, figuring out the best lighting and double checking our staging. We were allowed a full run through which was fantastic!

setting up backstage at Ormand Hall

Our backstage area was tiny but well lit with two long mirrors.There were stairs leading directly to the wings with a door separating us from the stage- we were asked to keep our voices down which we tried to attend to but often forgot.

With Oopsy Daisy in our tiny dressing room!

18 performers plus 3 stage kittens crowded into the room before showtime. The show was divided into three sets with 4 acts in each. Bella de Jac looking fabulously decadent in a Zoe Felice costume shouldered her pink bushy boa and flicked off the show with energy and verve- her wig gave new meaning to the Pantene hair flick.

Backstage can be stressful so it's great when everyone works together and is willing to relax and talk, headliner Lada Redstar from Berlin didn't miss a beat when she saw that Evie Red's chin strap had broken a few acts before she was due on stage. She whipped out her sewing kit and attached a hook while Evie finished getting ready. 

Headliner Lada Redstar fixing Evie's broken chin strap

I adore Evie's concept, a nod to Folies Begere girls with their amazing light bulb headdresses!

I was in the second set so managed to steal glimpses of the show from a hallway off to the side. I wasn't the only one...

Perks of working the bar at a burly show!

When it came time to perform I felt nervous but the andrenalin was kicking in, I adopted a haughty smirk and launched into my opening movements feeling every muscle in my fingers stretching stiff and taut as I searched for faces in the audience to connect with.

Photo by Ange Leggas

Photo by Ange Leggas

Photo by Ange Leggas

My act done I retired backstage to spend some time with our international headliners, Lada Redstar and Coco L'ectric. I first met Coco back in 2011 when I was stage kitten at the New Orleans Burlesque Festival. She's the sweetest person and I can't wait to see her again in Perth!

Dolores and Coco with Evie creeping in the background!

Helping Lada attach her incredible head dress

We couldn't see much from the side hallway (though we tried!) and we were told to be backstage for the final set so we could be mustered for the curtain call.

Evie's given up on trying to see what's happening on stage!

Waiting for the curtain call, Miss Kitty's Meow hamming it up!

Show over, I collected a tipsy Scarlett from the audience and headed back to the hotel- not before stopping at Lord of the Fries for a snack. Sweet potato fries you say. Hell yes I say.
                        

It wasn't long after this that my stomach started saying Hell No.

The next morning was the start of a long day. Here's a travel hint from me to you- if you're checking out of a hotel, don't stick around with nowhere to go after show night, by mid morning I felt like a zombie!
I spent the morning with the delectable Evie Red, trading showbo stories, backstage gossip and costume inspiration, she shared her favourite Chapel st cafe where I had a sweet potato and fetta omlette, I loved the decor, bright colours and potted cacti? Yes please!

Coffee at Tyranny of Distance

I spent the afternoon wandering around the city, joyously finding a copy of Martha Gellhorn's Travels with Myself and Another in the bargain basement of Dymocks, then Oopsy joined me for a coffee, Naked Girls and Tinder gossip.
My brother collected me from Victoria, bags and all and whisked me off for dinner on Sydney Road before dropping me with brotherly love and a very reluctant hug at Tullamarine, my flight was- of course in the way that has become normal- delayed but there were screaming children to entertain our ears.

Curtain call at The Big Tease
Photo by Ange Leggas

Review of Big Tease and Empress Erotique by Kathryn Keeble from the Melbourne Observer featuring photo of by Bret Salinger and separate pic of  New Zealand's Kerry Rodda.

Thank you Dolores Daiquiri and Rosy Rabbit for all the hard work and dedication you put in each year to get this festival up and running. I can't imagine the time it takes nor the challenges you face trying to structure each show and choose your performers.
Thanks to Danica Lee who was a great stage manager, efficient and knowing exactly what needed to be done and what the performers needed to know.
Thanks to my fellow performers and to the audience without whom we would be stuck making faces to a mirror or our reluctant partners ("sure honey, that's totally sexy but can you put the feathers away?")
Here's to another 5 years!

Miss Burlesque Tasmania 2014 - the view from the judges table

From sitting atop such lofty heights at the judges table, I can safely say that when it comes to a burlesque competition, let me compete any day!
Judging your peers isn't fun- although the Miss Burlesque Tasmania judging criteria that is listed before you makes it easy to be objective- but it's still difficult to hold off clapping and cheering for your favourites and when the music starts there's no where else I'd rather be then backstage with the girls or onstage entertaining the audience!
With a new owner taking the reins of Miss Burlesque Tasmania for 2014 there was a lot of chatter over the possible venue and the location for the competition. All of the competitors bar one were from Hobart, in fact I was the only performer based in Launceston so when the venue was announced there were questions over where to stay, what to transport and who could go.

Each of us received a pin... get outta my way I'm a judge!

Luckily it was resolved and all eight performers made their way to Launceston to converge upon the venue, the Lazy Butterfly.

Our host for the night was Laydee Midnite,  who now owns MBA Tasmania and is the co- owner of Lazy Butterfly and from all accounts ran a tight ship on the night with few delays and only one music mishap.

The judges settled at the table, the audience settled in their sears and Laydee took to the stage, mic in hand to start the show. Miss Burlesque is divided into four sections in the state finals, gown parade, classic, neo and unique

Judges table, L-R- Gen from Vamp, Ruby de Winter, headmistress of Dr Sketchy's Launceston, LSD, Emmi, Kelly Ann Doll, Miss Burlesque NSW 2013
Photo by CezB photography

The gown parade first- most of us grit our teeth through the 30 seconds or so that you're walking out on stage, but the parade provides the audience with an introduction to each competitor.
The stand outs were the girl's who not only ticked the glamour box but also interacted with the crowd, hit their poses and looked like they were enjoying themselves.

Beyonce instagramed this print and faced a storm over the misrepresentation of the state of Tasmania amongst other countries. I like to think that she was just supporting MBA.

The gown parade finished- too soon- I raced back to a spare change room to change and perform, everything was set out waiting for me but of course when in a rush things always go wrong, stockings wouldn't stay up, the wrong gloves were packed... Poor Laydee had to pad for a few more minutes than she expected before I raced in with that drafty feeling that comes with a loose stocking slowly working its way down my thigh...

In my gingham dress by Nasty Ginny, inspired by  a Harpers Bazaar junior ad and of course Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz!

Ceri catches me in a ta-dah moment!

Performing in my red ombre costume by Nasty Ginny

Even better, on the way back, with my white arse bouncing and tasseled pasties twirling I had to run through a packed band room to get back to the second change room- a metal gig was on in the other room. The lucky boys got a free peep show albeit a quick one!

Posing with Kristi of Corsets by Nasty Ginny in front of the collage poster she created featuring me!

Classic and Neo followed and again there were clear favourites for the audience and for the selection criteria- in fact without hearing the results or the score collation we could guess the top five- Grace Cherry, Le Fay, Risquee Jane, Scarlett Jezebel and Velvet Sway.

One of the early posters for MBT 2014

Kelly Ann Doll, Sydney's pocket rocket rocked the stage before the final five emerged to perform in the unique section. Again for the judges I think we found the top three easy to mark, props, costumes, dance move, song choice and general confidence in performing ticked the boxes.

Kelly Ann Doll charging the stage

I ran backstage to my dressing room as the scores were collated and dragged on my sash (backwards) and shoved some pins in to hold the tiara in place. Then I sat back at the table and waited to be called up to help crown the winners... When my name wasn't called and Miss Burlesque Launceston, the first runner up, Grace Cherry had been crowned I stormed the stage in order to help crown the runner up, Le Fay as Miss Burlesque Hobart and Scarlett Jezebel, Miss Burlesque Tasmania 2014.

Miss Burlesque Hobart 2014, Miss Burlesque Tasmania 2013, Miss Burlesque Tasmania 2014

You can check out my journey to Miss Burlesque Tasmania 2013 as a performer in the state and grand finals and you can follow Miss Burlesque Tasmania 2014 Scarlett's blog!

When the barnyard meets burlesque

Photo shoots are exhausting, they start early with hair and make up and finish with the peeling off of eyelashes and the hope that you 'got the shot.' I only do them occasionally and would hate to be a professional model, those girls work hard!

Complaints aside photo shoots are also a lot of fun and ont his one, designer Kristi was always on hand to offer a compliment, a glass of water or adjust the underwear!

Photographer Jess taking close up photos of the corset and knickers

The shoot was Kristi Robertson's label, Corsets by Nasty Ginny, she had previously shot some of the designs the day before, but on Saturday I was with fellow Tassie burlesque dancer Scarlett Jezebel.

Kristi used to design wedding dresses, I remember seeing her studio in 2001, racks of gorgeous dresses, big frothy concoctions and slimmer silohettes. Now after getting out of the wedding game Kristi designs and creates corsets, lingerie and costumes- and is still very capable of designing items that pull in, tuck up and froth over in the best way.

Corsets and lingerie ready for the shoot

This shoot featured some of her new designs that she sells online and at the MONA Market.

Kristi's stall at MOMA

Her studio is located on her property, a hobby farm that has grassy meadows, thick bush land, chickens and an elderly horse, Copper.

posing with Scarlett in Kristi's studio

 For the shoot, Kristi had set up a beautiful tea table in the bush complete with flowers from her garden, hot tea in the teapot and shiny red apples on the table.

tea with Scarlett Jezebel

We also did some shots down the road near a run down barn. I did some turns on the country road before we headed back to Kristi's home at which point she asked, very nicely, if one of us wouldn't mind modelling just one more costume... Scarlett and I looked at each other, both of us were hot and bothered by this point with a hen's party to go to in mere hours. "You can do it Masher's" said Scarlett I rewarded her with a grimace and then remembered Copper... "OK... But can I pose with the pony!??"

The pony is actually a 24 year old dark brown horse who roams freely around Kristi's land. I got changed and Kristi went horse hunting. Kristi felt certain she could lure Copper out of the trees but when she didn't succeed we took the shoot to Copper who viewed my offer of apples with disdain until I held one of them right under his nose!

After feeding Copper two apples I was ready to eat a few myself but instead welcomed a seat in Kristi's gorgeous home to have a quick drink and some cheese- once I'd removed my corset, I imagine the idiom "eats like a bird" was coined by some hapless woman from the Victorian era.

Posing with Scarlett and Kristi

You can find the final photos on Krisi's website